dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.