Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday