he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low