apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
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So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
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the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks