Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies