he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
