he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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