The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
