2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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