Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Im part way to drunk.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
