new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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