My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
