And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
