I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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