maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
