Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
