How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
