She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
