haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
