just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
