Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
