Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
