Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
