i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
