Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
