I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
