I just made out with a guy for $7.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
