so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
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is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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