it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
