i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
