So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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