we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
