She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You're like the curious george of whores
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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