At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
