Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
