im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
this hospital has no fireball
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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