Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
