she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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