I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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