so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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