I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
