i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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