What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
