Well douche your snatch and let's go!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize