Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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