im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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