I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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