Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
