Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
