i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
