we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That was an excessively violent trivia night
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize