When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
