Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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