I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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