I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
someone get that fucking seahorse.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize