If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
