I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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