Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
