Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
