Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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