Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he's single and there are thong briefs.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
