you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just high enough for therapy.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
