I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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