Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
