some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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