Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
