i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
