i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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