do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize