Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
