I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Randomize
