she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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