All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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