mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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