dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
