I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You're a waste of cheezeits
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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