its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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